I know very few people who have a "meh" attitude towards online dating. In my experience, you are either pro or VERY con.
I am currently not on the market, but back in the day when I was, I maintained a free online dating account at (where else?) Jdate.com. (Hey, I AM a Jewish Girl.) I thought online dating was a nice way to supplement my social schedule. Have some dates with guys met at parties, have some dates with guys met online. Online dating for women is a pretty decent proposition, actually: insist your dates pay for your drink or dinner, and at worst you have a funny/awkward story to tell at the end of the night. Plus, based on what my Jdates seemed to tell me, 90% of women who date online are psychotic, so if you are normal, your dates will immediately be impressed and interested.
True story: for a while there, I studied pick-up artistry! This was around the time the reality show The Pickup Artist aired on VH1. Do you remember that show? It was about a bunch of professional pick-up artists who taught nerds how to become cool and intriguing to women.
I LOVED that show, mostly because the method advertised was so manipulative but seemed SO effective. I wanted to learn more about it so that I would know when someone was using those methods on me, and in fact a month or two later someone tried to pick me up according to that strategy and I was able to see it coming and bust them on it! (True caveat: I was on a Jdate with someone else at the time the pick-up artist tried to pick me up!)
Part of pick-up artistry is a step called "demonstrating higher value" (a "DHV," for short). In this stage, you do some kind of trick or tell some kind of story to establish that you are interesting and worth your target's time. Here's one of the best DHVs I learned, which I still pull out from time to time whenever cocktail parties get too dull:
Start with some kind of story about how mind-reading isn't all that difficult, it's just about tapping into the common consciousness. I like to cite a study I once read about in undergrad that found that people completed yesterday's crossword puzzle significantly faster than today's, and the theory behind that was that the answers to yesterday's puzzle were floating in the universe for people to access.
Tell your target that you think they could read your mind, too. If you're on a date and you like the person, maybe add something about how you feel a connection to your date that you think they might be able to get in your head better than others.
Tell your target that you are going to write down a number. Write down the number "7" on a piece of paper and fold it up. Do NOT show this number to your target or let them see what you wrote.
Tell your target to clear their mind and after you give them the prompt just to say the very first number that comes into his/her head. Then say to your target, "Pick the first number that you can think of between one and ten. GO." The key is to do this quickly so that your target goes with their first instinct.
70% of the time, people will pick 7. You can increase their likelihood of picking seven by using hand gestures when you tell your target to pick a number between one and ten. Imagine a number line in front of you that goes from one to ten. When you say "one," gesture with your hand where the number one would fall, and when you say the word "ten," gesture with your hand where the number ten would fall. When you say "GO", gesture with your hand where seven would fall.
After the person guesses seven, hand them the piece of paper with the number "7" written on it. Bask in the glow of how awesome you are.
If the person doesn't guess seven, run.*
* I haven't found a smooth way to recover when this trick fails.
Now get out there and pick up some people!
Onto the sponsored stuff. Here's what Match.Com wants you to know:
Match.com's peak season, the site's busiest time of year, kicked off New Year's Day and spans all the way through Valentine's Day, where Match will see a 25-30% increase in registrations to the site.
Why the rush to log in online in the new year? In a recent poll, Match.com found that 51% of singles' New Year's resolutions will be to socialize more and focus on finding that special someone, making the desire to connect with someone a driving force for singles' to get online after the holidays.
Who knows, you could get lucky in love like this Match.com couple— have you seen their proposal?
Match.com sponsored this post. I received monetary compensation in exchange for publishing this. I'm totally gonna use that sweet dough to pay for the speeding ticket I think I got yesterday. Damn traffic cameras.
Congrats, Dee! I will email you to coordinate getting you your delicious calendar filled with sweet, sweet, circumcised loving.
For those who did not catch the contest, I asked everyone to post their best "dating a Jewish guy" story. Here are a few notable examples:
Funniest story, eh? Here's one with details slightly altered to protect the guilty.
In 2002, when I was 21, I spent a few weeks in Capetown, South Africa. I decided to take a weekend to see Johannesburg, and my parents mentioned we had some old family friends there, so I reached out. They were thrilled to hear from me, invited me to stay with them, and asked if I would like a "nice young man to show me the sites" on Sunday. Who wouldn't take up that offer??
Naturally, I spend the next week spinning castles in the air about my nice Jewish South African boy. We will fall madly in love and he will move with me to America and utterly charm everyone. We will marry and have perfect children and spend every winter for the rest of our lives visiting the grandparents back in South Africa. They probably own a vineyard or something.
So I arrive in Johannesburg Friday, everything is lovely, and I am told "Yair" will pick me up from breakfast Sunday morning. Just as I'm finishing my eggs, it is mentioned that Yair is visually impaired - a blind blind date. I'm a little curious as to how a blind guy is going to show me the sites, but hey. Yair shows up, and it turns out that while legally blind, he can find his way around just fine. His glasses make it a little hard to see his face, but he's not unattractive, and has an accent, so I'm keeping an open mind here.
We have a fine day - no big sparks, but he's enjoyable company and very Nice, in a very Jewish sort of way :). A few hours into it, I comment on the fact that he has an Israeli name, and ask if his parents are Israeli. He says, "I was actually born in Israel - my family moved here in 1972 when I was 12." I do some quick mental math and realize that Yair is 42. Which I guess is "young" to my 70-year-old hosts, but remember, I'm 21. I freak out - and suddenly I'm very grateful my blind date is blind. We parted graciously, but I decided not to take him up on his offer to be penpals.
Ever since, I always ask ages when my relatives set me up...
Oh, and my funniest dating story. I met my husband during Oneg (but neither of us usually goes to these things, so talk about serendipity) and he picked me up telling me a story about manscaping.
Once upon a time I met a nice Jewish boy who just so happened to be a bad boy too. I myself am a Central American with a major jewfetish. I'm ready to convert and everything. I have one story that just goes to prove how incredibly Jewish this boy was. One night I met up my nice Jewish boy at his house and he is just dead set on getting his ears pierced. I look up a few tattoo shops who also do piercings but they're all too pricey for him. So he asks his mother, of course. She recommends Claire's, a store in the mall meant for little girls, because it's cheaper. Well as you can guess I walked out of Claire's hand in hand with my nice Jewish "bad boy" hold his pink Claire's bag with his ear cleaning solution. If that isn't a nice Jewish boy I don't know what is.
while I haven't dated a nice Jewish guy myself, my friend has and he wore a yamaka every. single. day. Never saw him without it. I was so fixated on what he might be hiding under there (bald spot? weird head lump?) that one day I grabbed it and threw it across the room. It was just a normal head of hair. Everyone was appalled by my behavior. True story.
I have yet to find a Jewish Guy that'll date a gentile, but I'm trying. I had boyfriend that everyone thought was Jewish, and when I brought him home my grandmother, a devout Catholic, was not pleased. I got an earful that night.
For those who did not win their own calendar, you can purchase your own here. Also, if you're interested in more Nice Jewish Products, check out these "Nice Jewish Shirts" (not affiliated with the Nice Jewish Guys calendar), which were created by a couple of LA-based Jewish comedians/graphic artists. Blog readers will get $10 off orders of $50 or more with code NICEJEWISHGIRL, good until next Thursday, December 5.
Go forth and support the tribe! May our consumer dollars be as numerous as the stars in the sky!
I get a decent number of emails each week from advertisers asking me to blog about their website or their product. Almost all of these requests I turn down. (See, e.g., a series of websites offering me free money to buy whatever I wanted, but with absolutely horrific clothing and jewelry for sale, including items with names resembling, "Rasta harem dropcrotch pant crop hippie boho patterned bottoms.") Some of these requests, I wish I'd turned down. (I'm currently staring at a packet of gummy vitamins (I love gummy vitamins) that, based on the information on the package, I fear will give me explosive poops. But I'm morally bound to try them and perhaps endure explosive poops for you, my readers.)
However, I recently received a product review request that sent me over the moon with happiness.
Well, the people in charge of marketing this calendar contacted me last month and offered me a 2014 Nice Jewish Guys calendar of my very own! Now THIS is right up my alley.
Having carefully reviewed this calendar, I can now give it my hearty endorsement. The calendar is chock-full of awesome photos of very Jewish-looking guys, some of whom are doing very Jewishy things.
Kristopher is responsibly paying for his parking!
Roe is holding a mother-flipping CHALLAH!
Brendan is making matzo brie like your dad used to make during Channukah!
Jason is --- posed in a very unfortunate manner, but WHO DOESN'T LOVE KOSHER HOT DOGS IN NEW YORK?
I brought this thing to my weekly poker night and it garnered rave reviews from the guys in attendance:
"Those are some Jewish-looking dudes."
"Yes, they are very Jewy."
"That's a great-looking challah."
"I can't take my eyes off that challah."
"Saddle up, Jewish ladies! This guy likes knish."
This calendar is a laugh a minute (or, more accurately, a month), and even includes all of the Jewish holidays. Even the obscure ones that nobody celebrates! ("Fast of the 17th of Tammuz," anyone?)
I even had the chance to interview one of the JDate.com-sponsored Jewish guys featured at the back of the calendar, Sam.
Here are some highlights:
How did you become involved in the Nice Jewish Guys Calendar? What was your first thought upon learning about the calendar?
I saw the contest on JDate and talked about it with my sister and a female friend of mine. After some encouragement from them and reading some of the other entries, I decided to submit an entry for fun. After I was told I was selected as one of the Nice Jewish Guys of JDate, I didn’t really know what form my inclusion in the calendar would take until a friend of mine called from work saying, “I’m looking at the Nice Jewish Guys calendar with you in it!”
What makes you a "nice" Jewish guy?
Living with values and morals adopted and refined from my Jewish upbringing and military service is why those in my life consider me a “Nice Jewish Guy.” I see myself as someone who lives a life of integrity, candor, selfless service, respect and courage – all qualities which make me stand out in the crowd.
What is your favorite Jewish food?
This question is like asking a parent to admit which child is their favorite. Pastrami, knishes, matzoh ball soup, cholent, challah, Israeli salad and falafel are all great. However, I think that the true mark of Jewish food is the effort we put in to getting it right. I come from a family of kosher butchers so it’s no surprise that while I was stationed overseas I had hard salami and beef frye sent to me regularly. The greatest effort I’ve exerted so far was for great kosher dill pickles. Earlier this year I tore out four trees (roots and all) from my father's backyard so that I could grow cucumbers and dill to make my own homemade dill pickles. They were not only my favorite, but the favorites of everyone who tried them.
Best Jew-y childhood memory?
I think my best Jew-y childhood memories all stem from being invited over to friends’ houses for Shabbos. Even though most of them were observant, which meant no TV and going to more services than I may have liked, I associate those memories of Shabbos with great food, acceptance and warmness, which I consider true characteristics of Judaism.
Describe your ideal woman.
My ideal woman would come in part from my interpretation of Immanuel Kant's Observations on the Feeling of the Beautiful and Sublime. I am in pursuit of the sublime over the beautiful. To me the sublime encompasses the truly important, lasting things such as genuine kindness, sweetness, smarts, critical thinking, affection, a nurturing demeanor and natural beauty over fleeting and superficial beauty.
What do you most wish you could change about Jewish girls?
I'd first like to say that I would never want to change anybody. Everybody has the right to live their life the way they see fit as long it doesn't infringe on those rights of others. In love, the right person is going to be perfect, flaws and all.
That being said the thing I don't like about Jewish girls, or guys for that matter, are those who live up to negative Jewish stereotypes. Despite my name, many people are surprised to find out that I'm Jewish. I think the reason is that I don't fit many of the typical Jewish stereotypes. When a girl lives up to the negative stereotypes such as being whiny, overbearing and having a sense of entitlement like the clichés of a Jewish-American princess, I am immediately turned off.
Has your recent calendar celebrity yielded any interesting romantic offers?
Not yet. I think the Shiksas in my life love the "celebrity" status the most. The calendar has been a hit with family, friends, army buddies and people at the gym. When I walk into the gym I am greeted as the “Nice Jewish Guy.” Friends have jokingly wondered how long it would take for me to be a pinup. Every time I go to an LA Galaxy game,my season ticket holder neighbor requests a signed copy of the calendar. However, I would be surprised if the calendar "notoriety" would lead to any “interesting romantic offers,” even if it was posted at every synagogue and sent to every Jewish mother and grandmother.
What's your best Nice Jewish Guy advice for winning over Jewish mothers?
Just be genuine and honest in addition to all the other qualities of being a nice guy. If you have to be flashy or go on a charm offensive, it's probably not worth the effort for a number of reasons. I have had a few instances where the parents were more charmed by me than the girl I was courting.
I mean, TAKE A NUMBER! AMIRIGHT, LADIES?
Don't you just wish you could have a calendar of your very own, to love and cherish for as long as you both shall live? (i.e., for the duration of 2014?)
Well, you CAN, because I have an extra copy to give away!
To win, leave a comment on this entry with your funniest story about dating a Nice Jewish Guy. (You can fictionalize an account if you have no real-life experience on which to base this.) You can also tweet about this giveaway for an extra entry. One winner will be randomly selected, although I will post the best stories when I announce the winner next week!
Last week, I attended a cat foster orientation program through the Washington Humane Society. The program provided some basic information about WHS and cat care, and after completing it, everyone was eligible to take home kitten(s)/cat(s) from the shelter. The foster program frees up space in the shelter for more animals, allows more high maintenance animals (read: kittens) to get the attention they need, and helps sick animals recover faster (lots of animals in the shelter contract upper respiratory infections). It's also a good way for very shy animals to be adopted, since the shelter environment stresses those animals out and a stressed animal does not appear friendly to potential adopters.
A few days later, I was back at the shelter to pick up my two foster cats! They are a bonded pair of two year-old boys who were found as strays after their owner threw them out of the house. I assume they are brothers.
The black one is extremely outgoing --- he immediately took to me and follows me around the apartment everywhere I go. I was brushing my teeth this morning, turned around for one second, and when I turned back he was in the sink. I didn't even see him come into the bathroom!
The white one is very, very shy. He spends most of his time hiding under the bed, although he will come out when he hears the bag of cat treats opening. He's slowly warming up, but he's not letting me pet him yet (hence the crazy zoom utilized on all photos of the white cat).
[ETA: I can tell that these cats are after my own heart because: 1) so far, they have shown no interest in destroying my purses, and; 2) they keep trying to get into my closet!]
The shelter named them Midnight (black one) and Leo (white one), but I'm not crazy about those names. Help me come up with something better!
Pepper and Salt
My mom's suggestion. Totally works, although I found it a little strange to call a cat "salt." (Note that I love food names for cats. Some of the kittens currently up for adoption are called "milkshake" and "ketchup" which I think is adorable.)
Wall-E and Hal
When the black one talks, it sounds just like the robot Wall-E from the beautiful Pixar movie of the same name. Eve (Wall-E's robot girlfriend) would be a perfect name for the white one, but because the white one is actually a boy, I figured it needed a male name. "Hal" is Wall-E's best friend and sidekick (although he is but a lowly cockroach). Like Wall-E and Hal, the two cats are a bonded pair.
Yin and Yang
Because when the two play together, they sort of look like a yin-yang!
James and Barney
After James and Barney Stinson, interracial half-brothers on How I Met Your Mother. This is my favorite of the options so far because the names are easiest to remember and say. This pair of names would be totally legen --- wait for it, and I'm glad we're talking about cats because even though they are not supposed to have it some stereotypes still live on and this next word is --- DAIRY. Legendary!
So, what do you think we should call these cats? Also, if you live in the DC area and are interested in adopting them, let me know :-)
Ever wonder what happens when you try to tell Siri, "Set an alarm for 2am" with a mouthful of toothpaste?
^ that. :-)
I'm en route to Bonnaroo this morning, but it's looking like I'm going to miss my connecting flight! I may end up taking a last-minute road trip from Charlotte to Manchester... (Ugh, air travel, how I hate you so.)
Moreover, when Attorney Cooper said that gay marriage could harm the moral fabric of the country and hurt the institution of marriage, Associate Justice Sotomayor asked, “What are you even talking about?” while Justice Anthony Kennedy reportedly muttered, “You got to be fucking kidding me,” under his breath.
“I have to interject, Mr. Cooper,” Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg said as the attorney argued that the government has legitimate reasons to discourage same-sex couples from getting married. “Do you honestly care this much about this issue? Because if you do, you’re a real goddamn idiot. Actually, you sound as dumb as dog shit, and you are wasting our time.”
...Before adjourning the court, Roberts said there would be no official opinion on the case because it’s just “common goddamn sense,”
Hilarious. You can read the full article here. (The for-real court transcript is here.)
I need some adult suits (embarrassing biglaw associate admission: all of mine are polyester and cost less than $200), so I've been browsing the suiting sections of various online retailers to get an idea for my options.
I stumbled upon this gem in Nordstrom's, "Boardroom Attire" section:
And for a mere $1000, THIS LOOK CAN BE YOURS. (yes, that's an affiliate link, but please don't buy this.) (purse and shoes not included.)
What is even happening here, Diane Von Furstenberg? I am all about "reinterpret[ing] workwear," but this looks more like "reinterpreting hangover." AMIRITE? Who is wearing this in a boardroom??
....Although honestly it's growing on me a little. Damn my love for pajama-like workwear. (Still, clearly not buying it.)
Kate Spade Doodles Pen Necklace (similar by Marc Jacobs for $29??)
Glasses from Firmoo (NOT c/o...I have owed you an updated review for months, ack!)
(note: these are affiliate links!)
Wore it to work on Thursday, you guys. And it was awesome.
Thursday was the perfect confluence of jumpsuit-inducing events: I slept late (read: did not go to the gym; read: did not have to pack my clothes in advance; read: had the ability to experiment in the morning); I didn't have any big meetings during the day; and I was feeling like crap from working five 70-hour weeks in a row and needed a little pampering.
Pampering in the form of a one-piece polyester hug.
I'm not really sure what I expected when I wore this to the office. I felt like I was looking over my shoulder to see if security would come take me away. "Ma'am, we're going to need you to come with us. You know why."
But no, no issues. Nobody* even looked twice. And wow, was it comfy. It's no secret I like work clothes that fit like pajamas, and boy did these fit the bill.
* Except one of my office friends, who told me I looked "seventies fabulous**," and two of my other coworkers who were like, "nice jumpsuit!" ** My mom*** was excited to hear I was wearing a jumpsuit, noting that she had two of them in the actual seventies.
In fact, I liked it so much that I MAY HAVE POSSIBLY worn it on Friday too. (I was in the DC office Thursday, the NY office Friday.) The second time, I didn't even bother with a jumpsuit-hiding cardigan, I just strutted around in my full jumpsuited glory. Strutted right past the chairman of the firm who was wandering the hallways.
No sir, your eyes do not deceive you. After all, isn't a jumpsuit just another kind of suit? Really? Semantically?
*** Speaking of moms, my only awkward moment was walking by the "Mamma Mia" theater:
My jumpsuit was different, though. Totally different.
Also, I almost wore it Saturday. But I stopped myself. Mamma mia.
I hope you all had great weekends! What did you do? And don't you wish you'd been wearing a jumpsuit while doing it? (PS: peeing was not that hard.)
PPS: A reader asked me last week why I don't mention which links are affiliate links. I don't have any reason for not disclosing such a thing --- I figured the link paths were obvious so in-line disclosure was not really needed, but I don't mind adding disclaimers to make affiliate linkage more overt. I'd love to hear your thoughts on how you expect responsible blogs to handle affiliate linking. A line at the bottom of the blog post? A parenthetical after each link? A short explanation in the blog sidebar? Incidentally, what are your thoughts on affiliate links? As a reader, I don't mind them where they add to the content (e.g., "here's what I'm wearing, and here's the same thing or something similar if you like it" -- that's a helpful resource to me as a reader and I don't mind if a blogger may get compensation for making the effort to track those links down). I personally don't like it where bloggers just dump a bunch of affiliate links in a post with seemingly no other purpose than to drum up revenue. A wishlist post now and again is fine by me, but too much of that and I start turning off. So, anyway, thoughts?